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Family

In the Counselor's Office - Part 5 - Boundaries and Expectations

When making your list of boundaries and expectations after adultery, anything goes.

Anything. Goes.

Those were the heralding words our counselor graciously gave me for our next homework assignment.

I sat down to write a list, and here’s what I came up with;

1. Cancel personal iPhone account. 
2. Access to all email addresses.
3. Delete all social media accounts.
4. No passcode on his work iPhone.
5. No using iPhone in the bathroom. Ever. 
6. Must call me back within 5 minutes. (If he didn’t answer)
7. No cash withdrawals. Debit only. (For tracking purposes)
8. Access to any and all emails/texts between him and the other woman.   (Retrieve any deleted data)
9. No calling/texting females. (My friends, coworkers and the like)
10. I can ask any and all details of the affair as much and as often as   I choose.
11. Must tell me _anytime_ he has to communicate with a female coworker. 
12. Weekly counseling.

This list would serve to protect my heart, help to rebuild trust, reduce the amount of triggers (to a certain degree), and walk in the light.

What scared me the most was knowing that the list had zero power to change his heart. 

I would have to "trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding". (Proverbs 3:5)

And I also couldn’t help but wonder… 

Would he comply? 

After hearing the disclosure letter this is what I needed in order to take the steps toward healing. No matter how scared I felt about seeing his reaction to it, this had to happen. I’ll let him share with you how it felt to lose all privacy and what it would mean for our future…

Walking in the light in marriage is a must for real intimacy to take place (we learned that the hard way). What are some boundaries and expectations you have in place (or plan to have in place when you are married someday) with your spouse? Is there anything you would have added to this list?