Over the next few weeks/months I am going to share stories about grief and the ways that Jesus has walked with us in this dark season.
Before I begin the series, however, there is some groundwork to be laid. Listed below are some things that I need to make clear before getting into any details about my marriage:
- I am not a licensed physician. I am simply a person who has experienced betrayal in my marriage. My husband and I have been attending regular counseling by a licensed therapist and we have learned a LOT from it. I also attend a support group for wives every other week. I do not claim to have all the answers nor can I diagnose what is going on with others. This is simply our story and the tips that may be referenced in the blog are what we have been doing/been asked to do by the doctor we hired.
- Adultery is NO JOKE. Those who know me (#hashtagqueen) are aware that I have a brilliant sense of humor. It’s a gift (For those who don’t know me, that was a joke). The truth is, adultery is not funny. If you already know or just found out that your spouse has been unfaithful (porn, physical affairs, emotional affairs, addictive flirting patterns and the like) then you are most likely hurting. A kind of hurt and pain that is WARRANTED. It’s not funny. And I am so sorry it has happened to you.
- I respect my husband on social media. My husband will be guest blogging from time to time to share what his grieving process looks like as the one who has done the betraying. Grieving is still grieving…and as I have said over and over again…PEOPLE MATTER. My husband will receive plenty of disrespect from me. But in private. Just like the rest of us get to do with our spouse. He is a person. And we protect people we love. Especially on social media. No one likes a person who throws their spouse under the bus on FaceBook. Just sayin.
- The stories that we will share start from a foundation of confession/repentance. I have received a full disclosure letter from my husband. That means he sat down and wrote out his entire sexual history as far back as he could remember and all the way through the adultery. And then he read it to me. And then I got to (and still get to) ask as many questions as I want, whenever I want. It’s important that you know the stories we share come from real vulnerability. (See how heavy this really is?)
- My husband and I are Christians. If you are not a believer, these stories could still be helpful in your journey. I will refer to the bible often and maybe you will get to know Jesus in ways you never have. It is my hope that you will. If you are a believer, then this blog could get messier than you are willing to get. I pray that you would not only be comforted by God in the mess of life, but that you would know how unafraid he is of your sin. In fact, its your sin that made it absolutely necessary for Jesus to come and pay for your salvation. You can be as open in life as you choose. Christians are saints who sin. You are made righteous only by what God has done for you in Christ. The pressure is off and you are able to talk about both the good and bad deeds in your life. (Good news, right?)
Lord, give me wisdom and humility to know when I do cross the line on this blog. Lord, thank you for being such a comfort to people who are hurting. You get all the glory in our marriage and I hope that many people have the courage to face their messy marriage in order to know you better. May many come to know the perfect goodness that you are. In Jesus name, amen.