"Do you mind picking her up from the funeral home? She's ready." I said to my husband.
"Yes. Of course. Can you shoot me the address?" He lovingly replied.
I sat there for a moment in disbelief. Did this really happen? Was I pregnant for nearly 22 weeks, then suddenly NOT? Did I really just leave the hospital with NO BABY?
Sure enough. The facts were there. Sitting in front of my very own eyes.
The fruit of my womb, in ashes, in a small snack sized plastic bag. #2064 of AAA cremations.
It was jarring to my soul, yet there my handsome husband stood grinning, "It's out of ashes we rise...there's no one like Him."
My daughter Lulu Monroe Burris, passed away in utero from complications from Turner Syndrome. We had no idea she had it. We decline genetic testing. One day I just noticed that she wasn't moving anymore, despite my greatest efforts to get her to wiggle.
Her birth was emotional, as she was our first born in the hospital.
We have given birth to our other four children at home. We were in new territory the whole way through.
Yet. I know our daughter was strategic. Her purpose, mighty.
I know myself. If I wasn't purposeful in my healing process, I'd slip into depression FAST.
Now don't get me wrong, there are good days, and there are grieving days. I still can't believe how much the Lord was all over my birth and my hospital experience.
He is NEAR.
I also wanted to put some things down so that any other mother who is walking through this pain of loss, can have a list to have on hand, in case the grieving gets out of hand. If you prefer to watch a video of me talking about what I did, click HERE.
Yeah girl. 10 days after I had my sweet baby, I got my body moving for 30 minutes per day. Even if I couldn't work the whole 30 minutes, I tried my best. I was able to sweat out some sadness an it really helped me have a better chance at a GOOD HEALTHY MIND to grieve with. I did two rounds of 21 day fix and am still going strong today. I am THANKFUL for this, even on the days I didn't want to.
I drank 1/2 bottle of Ningxia Red every single day for 2 weeks solid. When you're sad, you don't know whether you are going to stop eating entirely or start grabbing junk food. Either way, this ensured I was getting FULL nutrition and flooding my body of antioxidants. I also had a lot of hospital candy (drugs) and was sure to come home and detox. I took 1 capsule of Sclaressence every morning, along with Sulferzyme, Cod Liver Oil, Super B, Super C, Comfortone, Inner Defense, Vit D...and more that I am probably forgetting about.
3. Drink PLENTY of water.
Dehydration makes things way worse. The days I didn't want to get out of bed, It was because I didn't drink anything. It heightens sadness. So grab that Berkey water filter and put it bedside if you need to. Oh. And add lots of Vitality Oils need to go in your water.
4. Ask God Where He Was.
This was POWERFUL. During a time of worship, I asked Him where He was while Lulu was being born and after, when I did that Facebook Live. He gave me a vision of laying right in the bed with me and it gave me the kind of inner healing I wish upon everyone. So. Ask Him. He wants to show you and He has a plan and a purpose in all of this.
5. Get In The Word.
This is a perfect time to grab a bible study and just SHOW UP with it. You will be BLOWN AWAY by the things the Lord will speak to you during this season. You are tender, you are in need, and HE IS NEAR.
Whether you were a mom for 6 weeks in utero, or 60 years outside, YOU are a mother.
Thank you SO much for being willing to be FRUITFUL and allowing the Lord to work in you and through you to build His kingdom. YOU FREAKING MATTER.
And as always, I leave you with this: #HesGOTyou